Secret Awesome Mocha

If you're like me, you enjoy your coffee. If you're not like me, you enjoy your coffee too, but don't care about all the thiamine it provides, something I DO care about. Chocolate is good for male reproductive health, the darker the better, though 60% cacao is about the limit of edibility. I keep it in stock like vitamins and eat about 2 tablespoons of it per day for extra thiamine and theobromine, which are both important nutrients for males. It does nothing useful for women.

If you enjoy hot chocolate, you no doubt are aware that powdered cocoa can make a decent cup, provided you mix it right. I tend to start with quality cocoa, turn into paste in a little milk, add a trace of sugar, a trace of vanilla extract, and milk. If you do it right, no lumps. If you add too much milk, the lechithin which keeps the cocoa powdered will make lumpy bubbles of cocoa that tends to burn in the microwave. This is common knowledge, and not the best way to make cocoa.

The best way is to start with a chunk of baking chocolate, add a teaspoon of salted butter, and heat 10 seconds in the microwave in a coffee cup. Stir until smooth, add a trace of sugar and gradually stir in milk. If you do this right, you make a gnosh at the start and sort of thin it with the milk. The result is thick and coats your mouth completely unlike powdered cocoa. The salt in the butter enhances the flavor a great deal and the final outcome is the best hot chocolate you've ever had.

Now, that gnosh of chocolate and butter? Add hot coffee. The salt in the butter works with coffee too, and the right amount of sugar sweetens it right. I do suggest some cream in the gnosh, about a tablespoon rather than just butter, but if you do that and sugar, the coffee will thicken nicely without needing the burnt and rapidly oxidizing failure that is espresso. I just use strong coffee instead. My version can be drunk more than 3 minutes later.

This is considerably better than Fake Mocha (Fok-ah) made by your Mom, or Mother Fo-kah as we called it at a prior job. I still had coworkers with a sense of humor back then. Good luck finding those now. Everyone is so desperate they'll jump at the chance to skin baby seals for a buck. Good thing we know how to make better mocha for cheap instead of paying $5.50 for one at a coffee shop.