Bread Is Life, Or Ground Up Grain Risen with Yeast, Anyway

So bread can be tricky. Often times homemade bread is gummy and not very good. Slathered with butter and jam, you don't care that much but I've been working to make better bread.

First, use filtered water and rinse your bowl and utensils so there is no soap on them. Its antibiotic and kills the yeast. Second, proof the yeast in warm sugar water. I microwave the water to kill any competing bacteria, then add a good amount of sugar, stirring so it dissolves, then add a good amount of dried yeast. My yeast "expired" 3 years ago, but since it was sealed it didn't really expire. Yeast keeps for thousands of years. We have brewers yeast from the Pyramids, and Egyptian beer. After about 15 minutes the yeast should have a good foam on top. This means it is active, good yeast. Next, flours and salt. I use about half whole wheat, half bread flour, and a tablespoon of salt. The salt slows the yeast production but doesn't stop it. This is a good thing. You want the yeast to grow, but you don't want the bread to fall apart in a wrong way. Slower rising bread tastes better than quick rising. For one thing, the gluten develops better. For another, the flour fully hydrates and will cook properly instead of merely toast in the presence of steam. You'll taste why that's important later. If you like, you can add molasses. I did in my last bread and it was delicious. Mix it all together. Don't bother kneading. Just mix it and set it into a flash-warmed oven for 12 hours, checking after 3 hours to see how much it has risen. If all goes well it will rise about half again its original size. Turn, knead a few times by hand on a floured board, then place on a cookie sheet spread with cornmeal. This is important because the meal will allow the bread to expand sideways as well as up. Allow it to rise for about an hour. It should be bigger yet. Take it from the oven, heat to 375'F, then place back into the oven and bake for 30-35 minutes. When baking done it should sound hollow when thumped. Allow it to cool at least 10 minutes before cutting. The steam inside will avoid gummyness if you wait a little. Serve with butter and jam, cheese, or cream cheese.

MOVIE: Julie and Julia

A movie about a blogger who decides to cook all of Julia Child's recipes from "Mastering the Art of French Cooking". The movie also provides views of Julia's life in 1949 Paris as she attends the Cordon Bleu school and 8 years of effort to translate various french recipes into English with the help of two French ladies from the Embassy where her husband works. Kinda light on many details, and skips most of Julia's TV shows, which I grew up on (small wonder) but still reasonably interesting and they had many foodie details, including why Aspic often falls apart (gotta cook it long and SLOW to get the gelatin to cook down without breaking down, which is why Julie's fails in the movie). Aspic is Meat Flavored Gelatin. Delicious. Used as a sauce. Good quality broth is practically aspic, which is one reason my soups taste like concentrated numminess. The wife and I enjoyed watching this on Sunday and I think we both bonded a bit over the couple's trials and travails. Sometimes it seems like we live above a pizza store.

Condolences

Found out the wife of an writing-friend is dying of cancer. She's been a real trooper dealing with his obsessions, which are more severe than mine. Tempted to describe the afterlife but figure it would be less than helpful as they're xtian and religious and it would be best to keep quiet and let them retain their misconceptions as they're basically harmless anyway. Still, I hope my friend doesn't lose his mind in grief. She's been the world to him over the decades and I don't know if the shock of losing her will be good for him or bad.

On a lighter note: Happy Lughnassadh! This is Lugh's day. Apparently Lugh was a real person. Lyon is named for him, as its full translated name is Lugh's Fortress.

More recipes and cooking info later.

Sherried Pork

I like to name my recipes. Any dish that is actually a recipe is not for me. Tonight I was feeling creative so I carmelized some onions, added slices of portobello mushroom, lemon pepper, and olive oil at medium low in a big frying pan. After a good browning I slid the onions and mushrooms to the side, added a little more olive oil and two boneless porkchops. I cooked them with more lemon pepper, both sides, for about ten minutes at medium low. I added a cup of water, two cloves of chopped garlic to the sauce made by the deglazing onions, and covered for another 10 minutes. I turned the meat over and cooked another five before serving in a salad bowl with a teaspoon of sherry added to the sauce, and a pinch of salt to pop up the flavors. Very nice. Needs bread and either artichoke with butter or asparagus, though you could also use steamed/boiled broccoli. Very nice.

Bicycles

I do more than cook and read books. I also enjoy cycling. As I used to be a long distance runner like Sarah, back in high school and the first year in College, I do enjoy the nostalgia of moving across the countryside under my own power. Unfortunately, my knees no longer allow me the luxury. I've been told I should go see a doctor and get knee surgery or something, but it feels like such a bother. I can walk any distance without problem. Its running that hurts me. Thus cycling presents itself. I biked a lot as a kid. I biked to college a few times, depending on weather. It was far enough to be exhilirated, not so far as to ruin my day. As oil is running out, our choices for travel will descend from the skies, and slow from racing automobiles to crowded passenger trains and bicycles. There's already a subculture of bicycling enthusiasts who tour by bicycle on a touring bike.
Like these: http://bicycletouringpro.com/blog/touring-bikes-bicycles-made-specifically-for-long-distance-touring/
Apparently, club cyclists in Britain have been going strong for most of a century, doing 40 mile rides on a Sunday, sometimes weekend trips with camping. The effort has been duplicated here in the USA and if you live in a place with a lot of nooks and crannies like a Thomas' English Muffin, all filled with buttery goodness and jam behind those mouth piercing sharp shards of carbonized bread, then this metaphor has stumbled over its own feet and needs to try rolling once in a while. Its soothing to bicycle. Besides, they make radios for your MP3 player now. And that's the funniest thing ever. Even better than a bell, and you can hear the traffic as well as they can hear you. Safer than earbuds, by far. I am presently riding a converted mountain bike with rack and fenders and smooth tires. Its faster than it was but I should ante up for the proper touring bike with thinner tires and better mechanicals. I would hate to break down on a 30 mile ride and have no one to help me. My wife suggests I join a club. We know one meets downtown, so its a real possibility, provided I save up for this bike ASAP and get started on riding more seriously, as if I liked the sport rather than merely talking about it. ;P

Yeast Bread

First: get some yeast.

Second: put it in a clean rinsed bowl with clean filtered warm water and sugar, stirred with a clean metal spoon. I used to do the wooden spoon but you know what? Wooden spoons absorb the detergent which, anyone anyone? ...Kills the yeast. Metal has no pores so you can just stir it and not kill the yeast and its fine.

Third: Yeast is prooved when its bubbled into a foam. This usually means keeping it somewhere warm for 25 minutes. You can use it now. Add bread flour, wheat flour, oat bran, and wheat bran. Soluble fiber is your friend. Remember that. And you can't taste it anyway. Add salt too. Slows down the yeast action so it will rise properly.

Fourth: Stir it around and then let rise an hour or so. Take it out onto a flat board with lots of all purpose flour handy and knead it. You will end up with your hands covered in sticky dough, so make sure your hands are good and clean and that the flour container is open before you start because taking it off when your hands are covered is messy. Knead until the dough has mostly pulled off your hands and is retaining its shape. This will make you sore and tired and cursing your decision to make home made bread.

Fifth: Rise again, this time with the sides of the bowl(s) coated in shortening or oil so it doesn't stick to the dough. This will take hours, possibly. Check every hour until the bowl is mostly filled.

Sixth: Knead again. Dough should feel like your mistresses breast, though it shouldn't make moaning sounds or offer to do naughty things to you. At this point you form the dough into the shape you want for your bread and put into greased loaf pans of onto a cookie sheet covered in corn meal. Let rise one final time, around half an hour usually.

Seventh: bake bread at 350'F for about 25 minutes, though it make take 35 minutes depending on the size of the loaf. The smell will tell you, and thump it with your finger. Should sound hollow when done.

That's how you make bread. You can add other exotic ingredients to it, like wheat berries (requires long soak in hot water, btw or they will break your teeth), dried fruits, cinnamon, other spices. Since most spices are antibacterial agents, add them at the last kneading rather than the first or your yeast will die and you've wasted time and ingredients.

Btw, the reason cinnamon is used with sweet rolls is because it has a particular medicinal effect of aiding sugars pass the cell walls for use, faster than your own insulin alone will do. Its good for treating Type 2 diabetes, up to a point.

Mole!

Times are getting harder, money is tight, unemployment at 10.5% and I just can't waste money on luxury foods, not when I can afford rice and beans and flavor them with a modest degree of skill.

I recently found a heck of a deal on pork loin, 10 pounds of it for $17 at my local supermarket. It was boneless and lean enough to be quality meat. I bought it, sliced it into chops and then froze those in pairs. I've been eating them for two weeks now. Pretty amazing, when you stop to think about it. I've fiddled with seasonings. My wife is under orders to cut her salt intake for high blood pressure and I know that salt makes me sweaty, so that excludes the typical boring cream of mushroom soup my Mom always seemed married to for pork chops.

I took things in a different direction. Ever heard of Mole sauce? Its chocolate, chili powder, and ground peanuts with probably a bit of masa so it thickens given a chance. Partially cook the pork, add the mole concentrate, about a tablespoon worth, and then stir it in. Masa doesn't clump, which is why I prefer it to wheat flour as a thickener. The downside to this particular brand of mole is the chocolate used is very weakly flavored. It has little of the theobromines I like in chocolate, that bitter flavor. So I fix it by adding semi-sweet chocolate chips. The slight sugar intensifies the spice of the chili powder and the bitterness brings out the chocolate. This sauce is good on the meat (pork, chicken) as well as plain white rice. Fantastic on rice. I want to experiment with beans tomorrow and see if I can get some awesome flavor into them too. Maybe roast one of the chops in the beans with some of the mole and soak in the flavor a bit, as well as prevent some of that secondary fermentation that last batch did. I think I might have gotten a little food poisoning from it.

Cast iron stomach or not, food poisoning toxins often resemble a strong allergic psychosis reaction, which isn't fun. Ever had a temper tantrum for no reason, sweats, and then want sex for no reason, all at the same time? That's one of those allergies, probably food allergy or food poisoning. They see this in Emergency rooms sometimes, give Benedryl injections to fix it. I was once in the emergency room sick when a guy who'd broken his leg motorcycling offroad was brought in. They gave him a painkiller and some kind of antibiotic. He had a reaction to it, a strong one, and begged his girlfriend to suck him off on the other side of a thin cloth curtain from me. I was a bit stunned and slightly turned on by how kinky that was (I was very inexperienced at the time) and shortly after she finished slurping him up and wiped her mouth, the emergency room doctor noted his allergy, said so, and gave him the injection. Within 5 minutes he stopped asking to walk out of the hospital on a broken leg. Allergies really do make people act crazy. I wonder if that's part of the problem with my nutty neighbors?

Anyway, mole sauce is good for lots of things, including pairing chocolate with chili powder and teaching you that its good for more than just candy. Its wonderful on slow cooked foods, like crock pot stuff. Just don't add it too soon, since its a thickener. Its gotta go in late, just like noodles to soup or stew.

Auto-Bio

When I was four years old my mom lifted me onto the kitchen counter, handed me the old measuring spoons, pointed at the various spices and told me to measure them out while she rolled the pie dough. I could read so this was certainly possible and I, with lots of help from Mom, helped make my first pumpkin pie. This continued with apples (peeling and coring them at age 5 using a peeler and a small knife), to making the crust by age 6. By the time I was 10 I'd perfected most sorts of baking I'd attempted, including solo chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal cookies, and even made the perfect copy of McDonalds french fries. I needed help dealing with the hot oil. I should point out that I've always been "bright" and while I was pretty retarded in some social skills areas I was always way ahead of my peers at these sorts of scientific experiments (cooking is chemistry, after all). I kept cooking every once in a while, when I felt like it. As a latch-key kid my brother and I ended up cooking for ourselves more often than not, particularly since Mom's cooking wasn't always to our taste. At age 11 I was in the boy scouts and learning to cook over camp stoves, over and in camp fires, and learning all the skills necessary to manage natural heat (fires are a skillset all by themselves) and as the years passed I learned more and more, perfecting recipes of old standards like Cornbread. By the time I was in college and cooking on our geology field trips I learned how to bake in a dutch oven, from chocolate or lemon cake to pineapple upside-down cake (a true accomplishment in the desert, let me tell you!). When I finally moved out of the parental domicile I was a fully capable amateur chef able to make anything I saw on TV or read in a recipe or tasted in a restaurant. Once I met my wife and we moved in together I was accomplished enough to make multiple meals from raw materials which baffled her. I love her dearly but when we moved in she'd claimed to be a good cook herself and when I handed her a whole, plucked chicken and said "roast this" she looked completely lost. I had to show her and she understood what I was going on about the very first time, a fact pointing to a high intelligence despite her dishonesty. She still tries new things or pushes me to make stuff she read about somewhere, often dozens of things I'm not particularly enthusiastic about, usually because they require exotic expensive ingredients, won't keep at all, and make more than we want to eat in one sitting. There is such a thing as too many olives and pickles in the fridge, after all! Ahem.

Anyway, at this point in my life, finally owning a proper kitchen scale, I am now able to work my way through the CIA Cookbook, which is highly detailed and LONG. Lots of fun stuff I've never played with because well, you just don't wake up one day with 5 pounds of sweetmeats you plan to eat and go to the trouble of turning them into food instead of broth or toss them into the trash. That's an extreme example, however. I'll be cooking more stuff, using spices more effectively, working out all sorts of technical problems that would make even Alton Brown pause to consider.