Carrying Stuff

It is a shame at the Jeep being produced by Chrysler Corporation is NOT the Jeep that people want. Its a heavy, safe, inefficient beast that isn't very good at offroading anymore, costs too much, and yet is still pretty poorly made. The old Jeep from WW2 is what people want. It has 4 wheels, goes everywhere, not too fast, and is CHEAP. It's poorly made and will require rivets, bolt tightening, and probably some additional welding to hold it together long enough for it to rust apart instead of shake apart, but with incomes falling and roads getting worse all the time, especially in the boonies where pavement is a luxury few will be able to afford much longer, Jeeps need to be reintroduced at their original cheap price. Maybe even cheaper.

Imagine if you could buy a Jeep, road legal, max speed 45 mph (no overdrive), no lift kit, just a jeep made to go offroad with those chunky tires and the fold down windshield and the ragtop with a rollbar. Imagine that for $12K or so, out the door. Comes in Yellow, Orange, Red, Tan, OD Green and Grey. That's enough colors for a Jeep. The original was powered by a 30 HP engine, I think. It wasn't fast. It did go everywhere a double track led. Its big advantage over motorcycles and tuktuks is that it has 4 wheels so it won't flip over just because you had to slam on the brakes. It will also carry passengers and stuff. You can't leave stuff in the car parked somewhere because its an open top so stealing it out is as simple as reaching in. Old Jeeps didn't have door locks, even with the hard tops. It was truly bare bones.

A week ago I saw a curious sight. A little hatchback towing a really short trailer behind it. Front wheel drive cars don't often tow trailers since they can wreck the car if they weigh too much. Use a short trailer, carry light stuff, you can get away with it. Small teardrop trailers are small and light, made to be towed behind a family sedan. They only sleep one person, and the kitchen is operated from outside so not fun in the rain, but they'll fit behind a very small vehicle and go all sorts of remote places since they are so very light weight. Again, weight matters. I can see an obvious market for these things. For everyone who bought a commuter vehicle but needs to carry stuff, rarely, and hates renting a trailer, there you go. Get one of those.

If you have a scooter or motorcycle, and need to carry stuff sometimes, bigger than you can fit in a saddlebag or rear box/milk crate, then you'll want something like a sidecar. The Russian response to the Jeep was the Ural sidecar motorcycle, based on the captured WW2 German motorcycle sidecars contracted to BMW. The horizontally opposed twins have plenty of torque and while the engine sticks out either side, they're pretty easy to work on. As I am apparently a quarter German myself, from back before the Revolutionary War (1750-ish), I suppose part of me is curious about them. And their Russian spawn, which are made to be easier to repair. Sidecar bikes are really for taking friends along, though they hold a lot of groceries or camping gear, from what I understand. Then again, so does a Jeep or Toyota 4x4.

It is also possible to tow a trailer behind a motorbike or scooter, btw. You have to position the hitch near the axle or frame such that the pull is down low, and you need it to have pretty neutral weight on that hitch or it becomes very dangerous, very quickly. Usually, if you need to carry lots of stuff, don't use a bike. Its kind of: DUH! Use a truck or a trailer or a hatchback. That's what they're for. The sidecar thing is mostly to give a passenger a thrill or to carry camping gear because you don't like the modern Jeep and can't find an old one that still runs.

Your basic scooter has flat floorboards, where you can nestle a couple bags of groceries between your feet. Modern scooters usually have foldout hooks for this purpose. A scooter was ALWAYS meant to be practical, even the most vintage ones. They were designed right after the war, when fuel was being used to clean up the bomb damage and rebuild Europe. I can't say I blame them. This is the same time period that the Fiat 500 (500cc engine!) came about, with its fabric roof and body made of sheet metal so thin you could dent it by squeezing too hard. The Citroen 2CV aka Deux Chevaux aka two horses aka the reason we call bad cars Lemons, because Citroen means Lemon was just as bad, if not worse. If you didn't buy the convertible, all you got was a couple flaps on the sides which popped open or shut when you didn't want them to. The windows couldn't roll down because the door mechanism was in the way. The 2CV is kinda like a VW bug without the convenience or power or reliability or working door locks. I suppose you could think of it as a Jeep with a roof? Its kinda like that.

Like a VW Beetle without the reliability, comfort, or power. 

Old people have a tendency to romanticize the discomforts our youth, so old people buy the new Mini or the new Beetle or the new Fiat 500 and overlook the rough bits which made them a tad uncomfortable back in the day, the whole reason they were cheap enough for us to own when we were kids. Grownups were buying Cadillac El Dorados or a nice Mercedes back then. When I was a kid, old BMWs were cheap, so I got one for my second car after my VW folded up like tinfoil around the bumper of the Honda that took no damage itself. That tells you something, right there.

Discomfort is adventure. How can the Youth of today find adventure is the worst they deal with is a car that smells like stale cigarette smoke on seats that have signs of cigarette burns and a little mildew? Its gross, but its not adventure. In a world of instant gratification and secondhand luxuries, where's the challenge that strengthens the spirit, tempering them into indomitable will? Oh, there's ME. I'm their challenge. I'm what makes them strong. My sharp tongue, my invective, my being right too much of the time. That's what they face. Me. My prior coworkers would likely second that.

What am I going to do? I'm going to keep running my Honda Accord till it doesn't work anymore, then fix it again. It gets 32 mpg on the highway. I just put gas in it for the first time since I moved here two months ago. Half the tank, shifting it left or right in the driveway. Oh well. It doesn't matter that a scooter gets 70-120 mpg because I have nowhere to go and no money to pay for one anyway and I need a motorcycle license in the first place. Someday I'll get one of those. I plan for it to be my primary dry-weather commuter because I want to continue my life of short-commutes and stay up here where people are pretty nice and I'm not being shot at. That's always something to favor in a lifestyle, unless you're a soldier or a cop or something. I'm not, never will be.

150ccs. Is this so much to ask?

I want a little vintage Vespa equivalent, probably that scooter pictured above that's a little bit expensive but the right size and power and good brakes. I care about those things. A pity that Honda doesn't make a 108cc version of its Metro. That's a cute one, just too small an engine. With the better engine, it would pull a hill.

Vintage looks, with fuel injection.

Fuel injection is so important. Without fuel injection, a scooter is $1K cheaper. With, it starts up and runs immediately. No waiting 5 minutes for the engine to smooth out. Normalement, you need 5 minutes to put on your jacket, then your helmet, then your gloves, then throw your leg over and take it off the stand and look both ways at traffic, tabun. So that works out to the five minutes. With EFI you can do all that before hitting the starter. The smaller the engine, the faster it heats up. So in a really small 150cc engine, you're pretty much at breakeven point for EFI or no-EFI, so without you'd save money. The small difference is EFI also gives you better power so that $1K might be worth it. Or maybe just buy a used Ninja 250 and stop pretending. The Ninja is a not a tool to carry groceries though. Its built for riding, not carrying groceries home from the store. It isn't designed for practical urban and suburban living. The scooter above is all about the practicality of a Vintage scooter. Look at that flat floorboard. There's hooks waiting to fold out an grab your plastic or recycled grocery bags, so you can get your hummus, loaf of artisan sourdough french bread, and a 6 pack of microbrew home. Actually that sounds really good.