Grom: Conan's Tiny God? Or The Dream of the 90's?

Why does this look so wrong? 

Honda has gone and made a weird Monkey Bike, which is a small motorcycle with small scooter wheels. Its called Grom. Grom is urban slang for a surfer who is under 15 years old. The bike is a 125cc, fuel injected engine, dry weight of 225 pounds. It costs $3K new, coming out in August. The interesting bit is the 12 inch wheels have fat tires and long suspension so it can take bumps. The seat height is under 30 inches, so it will work for short people, even girls. It has scooter fuel economy, but doesn't look like a scooter. It is less nerdy and less gay than a scooter. I have seen several people cruising through town on monkey bikes, not like this, probably older versions that are restored to running condition.

Honda Rebel

What do I think of it? I'd rather ride a cruiser than the Grom, like an old Honda Rebel 250 (234cc) with its crappy drum brakes, and butt-hurting seat. A used Ninja 250 is better than that in most ways. I saw a used Ninja 650 missing its plastics in the parking lot Wednesday, near the UPS store. Somebody must have laid it down and the cowlings cost as much as the bike does. Total ripoff. Replacements cowlings to cover the critical ugly bits in metal that look good would sell.

I once had a dream of  riding a Cafe Racer version of the Triumph Bonneville through Eastern Washington's apple orchards. They're pretty, grown up bikes capable of speed and proper style, which is something worth the money. Or I could pay $4500 for a bike such as a TU250. I am not ready for real power. I could easily see myself twitching the power at the wrong time and ending up in a bad place.

Still, the Grom is interesting. I can see there would be lots of people who would buy it as a fun machine to get around town with. It's certainly better than scooters. I don't think I would want one, however. The roads are too rough. I liked the MadAss for its 16 inch wheels, which are a far better protection from potholes and such, which a Monkey Bike would stumble over its own tires and dump you. I would not enjoy that. On flat roads and good pavement? The Grom would be great. Down in the Valley there will likely be many buyers.

I still see lots of people on Scooters with smaller wheels than that (10" is standard for Vespa and many others), commuting across town. And I totally get that people can ride them safely. I just would rather have something with bigger wheels that rides more like a bicycle, like I'm used to. I'm really used to the 26" wheels of my commuter/mountain bike. Standard wheels are 17" for street bikes and 19" to 23" for Enduro/dual-sport bikes. Big wheels go through messy roads a lot better. The physics support it. The angles are gentler.

Considering a dual sport is probably the right machine for me in the long run, even though they're ugly as sin, I will probably eventually get one of those, with both sets of wheels and tires and progressive shock suspension. Perhaps a model with an engine balancer so it is smooth but retains the torque advantage of a single. I may have to do without. I have learned, by observation, that 600 cc engines are much quieter than expected. I know I would HATE a loud engine. That has got to be really annoying after a while. The Suzuki DRZ-400 is a popular dirt bike, and comes available with a Supermoto version. Downside is its $7K.

If I were to choose a sport bike, the Honda CB500F is 471cc, liquid cooled, $5500 and will climb the mountains at freeway speed. Important if you want to go to Tahoe for a good long ride around the lake. As Lake Tahoe is only 70 minutes away, that's a legitimate consideration. However a bike that takes more than 5 minutes to warm up is one I'd only ride on the weekends. While I saw a bunch of people on Hogs, I also spotted a guy on a Suzuki Bandit 600 at the old Donner Pass overlook. Nice looking bike. Good size and shape, really looked well balanced and agile. If I lived further out of town that would be a nice commuter.

Kawasaki Super Sherpa

Most of my motorcycling interests are local commuting to work and back, however. The $1000 beat up air-cooled bike that works reasonably well is probably more my speed. Maybe a used Honda 230CRL, lowered enough I can plant my feet. Or perhaps a Kawasaki Super Sherpa. Those are famously good bikes. I don't see them for sale used much, actually. Even stronger recommendation isn't it? I wonder if I could get an old Suzuki DR350? Mondo Enduro rode those around the world and found parts everywhere. They were a good choice.

There is one of these in town, as someone's daily rider.

Really, I can see a real market for light 110-250cc bikes that are designed for city streets with crappy pavement. Bikes with an upright riding position comfortable for beginners. There are a few of those in town, actually. Even a 110cc would be better than pedalling up that mountain. Bikes are great when you have hours to recover. Not when you have to work when you arrive, or after having worked a full shift. Then they're just not much fun. Maybe the Hipsters are right? Get a Honda 360, dress down, don't waste money, be a sort of lower-key Libertine and extend the pleasures of life rather than race for prison like the idiots in Oakland. Hipsters ride the old bikes. They buy used airstream trailers and restore them. Cheaper than rent or buying a house in a flood zone. Taxes rise too much? Move somewhere else. Voting with your feet, and taking your home with you. This is what Socialism has driven us to. We're all getting poorer. So yeah, maybe the Hipsters are right. 

This is probably the right bike for me. Kawasaki GTO 110.

Take your Materialism and crippling debt and shove it. The dream of the 90's is alive in Portland (and Nevada City if they ever get enough part time jobs to support the existing trust baby population).

Something like that. This is the horror awaiting the Baby Boomers retirement funds, and the Socialists with their Totalitarian dreams. They wanted us to be good slaves, working away to make a more terrifying future of Big Brother, but nobody cares enough to make it happen. Are we working too hard? Are the hipsters right to just do as little as possible so they can hang out in coffee shops and complain about not being taken seriously? I wonder.