Horses

Years ago, my wife and I wanted to learn how to ride a horse. So she tracked down a place that was cheap, about an hour away up in Gridley. Gridley is this tiny town in the Sacramento Valley, north of the Buttes, which time forgot. Its laid out in a grid of streets, with the railroad going through the middle of town and the remains of a covered station at some park and converted warehouses. It's agricultural country, mostly fruit trees and a nearby cannery. This is where Jam comes from. I would totally live there if I spoke Spanish and had a business doing mail order. Cheap real estate, and UPS goes everywhere.

Outside the town a couple miles was this orchard and horse ranch, with watered pasture from the irrigation ditch filled every few days from Lake Oroville. All the farmers there wait for that release and open their ditches to it, fill them, close them again when they peak. They use gasoline powered water pumps to pump into their orchards and fields, as needed. You can hear them running at night. It's low tech, but it works very well. They do make sure the water isn't too cold. Turns out that the lake is deep enough that the Thermolito Forebay, called that because its big and spread out to let the water warm up from JUST above freezing, for a couple days before letting that hit the roots of the trees. Really cold water on the roots will kill a fruit tree. It was something I'd never learned about in college. A farmer told me that. I was surprised.

If you keep horses on a dry pasture you need about one acre per horse. If you irrigate that pasture so it keeps growing grass? You can keep five times as many horses. Ergo, irrigation, if you can get the water, is key. Buying pasture at California land prices can be expensive. Pasture with water rights? Even more so. I think we paid around $80 for the weekly 2 hour lessons in riding. I'm sure that both exercised the horses the lady was paid to care for, and gave her a little money to cover costs and repairs. Farms are ALWAYS in need of repairs. You never have enough money to maintain them. Just enough to keep it working a little bit longer.

This ranch had several horses, mostly draft horses but also some smaller and more agile runners. As the big ones tend to be more docile, you learn on a draft horse. When you start horse back riding, you first make friends with the horse. You take it out of the pen, put a harness on it gently, adjust to fit, and lead it to a fence. Then you spray it with water, brush it out, then with fly spray to keep the biting flies off. This is important because a biting fly can make the horse kick or lunge. You don't want that when you're a passenger. You put a blanket, without burrs in it, on its back and swing up a saddle. Adjust the stirrups and the belt as tight as you can manage. If it gets loose you're coming off. I find making eye contact with the horse helps. Let it know you're in charge. Think it real loud. Horses read body language in humans. They're herd animals and they've been raised around us all their lives. They understand.

I once described horses as big dogs. I've been told that's wrong by sheep herders in New Zealand, but if you think of a horse as a big dog, you're close enough. They're tippy so you can manhandle them around if you put your shoulders into it. When you clean their hooves, a lazy horse will try and put its weight on you, which could kill you if they fall on you. Instead, keep your knees bent and if they try, drop a couple inches. They don't want to fall so they'll balance again. You can clean the hooves. When approaching a horse, be sure to come around where they can see you, front or sides. If you surprise one from the rear it will slowly kick at you. If that hits, broken ribs or death. Its almost lazy how slow that kick is. But its got about 8 feet of reach. Make noise as you approach, like you would towards a dog, Pat or stroke its neck and head, scratch behind its ears. Like big dogs.

If you opt to feed a horse an apple or carrot, remember they can't tell the difference between those and your fingers, so be agile about getting your digits out of the way of their teeth. They won't mean to, they're just big and clumsy. My ex got a bad bite from feeding a horse and wan't agile enough. Its one of the dangers of being a Veterinary professional. I was studying Welding at the time, you get insanely agile doing that, especially "welders touch", something only welders have and is a very definitive motion that identifies them. The tattooed woman I used to work with sometimes had it. She knew MIG welding, barely, but had the touch at least.

Once the horse is saddled and ready for you, you walk it to a riding area and climb up. Test the stirrups. If they're the wrong length, get down and adjust them again. Try once more. Your knees should be bent enough to allow you to lift from the saddle. Now you're onto the hard part. And its difficult enough that getting a trainer is a good idea. Learning the right way to move in the saddle is hard, and you use a lot of back and abdominal muscles to tense and relax at just the right times. It is not easy. If you do it right, the horse will notice and allow you to go faster. Horses move differently, and bounce differently based on their speed. Some are very smooth, but its hard to change directions. Some are bouncy but agile, able to change a lot of directions without trouble, a wider stance really.

When you get good at it, horseback riding is a lot like being on a mountain bike with both a full suspension and someone else driving so you can look around as you go. That's very nice aspect of it. However, to get that you need to pay for a horse, barn, boarding, pasture, water, feed, veterinarian visits, access a breeder, keep multiple horses because they're herd animals and will go crazy alone, farrier, saddles, bridles, horse dentist, hay, hay storage, employees to care for them, and housing and health insurance for those employees.

Or you could get a scooter. And leave a space in the garage to park it. Horses are amazing, but they aren't cheap.