Optimism is Crime

I've been working towards my doctorate in Cynicism. Its a good thing there's no university for this, or rather every university is this, and all degrees in philosophy and climate science are cynicism degrees. I should be clear. I'm not as good at it as I'd like. The trouble with cynicism is that most people who went to public schools were brainwashed to be Optimists, and an Optimist is a multipurpose, often reusable victim for criminals everywhere. They exist to be separated from their money and happiness, to be available victims for crime. If you want to see a con man or employer's expression fall, admit to being poor and careful and always turn down opportunities. They hate that. You've just reduced their profit. They like things easy, and Optimists are easy money. They never expect to be ripped off, so it happens to them every single time. And they never learn from it, so it happens again and again till they die from it. And Optimists die. They are always loved by their parasites, because they are easy money, but Optimists are what makes widespread crime both possible and rewarding. If there were more Cynics, I think crime would have to go on a pretty hard diet, and they'd be way more bitter about things. Cynicism is the way of the real world. Most Cynics call themselves realists, but that's not very accurate. A proper Cynic knows they're turning down happiness of ignorance, and is actually unhappy about passing up the brief moment where happiness occurs before noticing their wallet is lighter again. A Cynic chooses misery over poverty. Some even choose to be poor because poor people have a ready excuse not to get involved in crimes against Optimists. Like most retail jobs, for example. A good Cynic knows a retail job doesn't pay, some are about sexual exploitation, and most retail employees are really miserable. And those are the lucky ones. The happy ones are insane, and probably going to commit suicide in some really public way. Sometimes prefaced by "Hey Bubba Watch This" or "And we're so in LOVE!". Optimists are irrational. I avoid them whenever possible, and I feel slightly sad that they persist in self destruction, but being rational, more and more rational all the time, I can only protect myself from their explosive arcs of self inflicted violence with distance and ducking behind solid objects so their meaty chucks of whining shrapnel, emotional baggage splatter, and declarations of happiness don't impact me.

Its messy out there. Learn the grunt of "I heard you but I have no opinion to share with you, Crazy". Learn to avoid the bright smiles of insanity. You know the ones. The ones that DO reach the eyes when they shouldn't. Nobody is happy to sell pastries or hot coffee or fishing lures or shoes. Al Bundy's many complaints and philosophical contemplations were right on the money. A great philosopher, Al Bundy. A modern Diogenes. Learn the modern and careful declination to advances for sharing their crazy, so you can leave the area safely, without inducing violence at your rejection. Women, single women in particular, respond poorly to being turned down. Especially the lunatic hags with the smiles that reach their eyes when they're talking obvious crazy. Healing in particular. Women know nothing about healing. People don't heal. They forget the reasons, but their brains don't. And the claws come out meaning to or not. Doesn't matter who the target is. Being in reach is enough.

Yep, you just can't be Cynical enough. You never hit bottom. Cynicism is like the Way of the Poet. The Way of the Warrior is unwanted prison sex, so stay away from that unless you're gay. Poets have it rough. You have to see things as they are to want them to be something better, and you can write about it emphatically or wryly, but only the wry get paid consistently, though the Con Men don't like it. They keep training Optimists in the public schools. Another generation of victims, of credit card debt and wage slavery and smiles that reach the eyes when they've had too much. Its just a matter of time before they're dead of despair. Only Optimists can experience despair, which is the traditional punishment for the crime of hope. A true Cynic never hopes, and never despairs. They develop full wryness and laugh at everything. Never trust someone who never laughs. They're planning to cut your throat and take your wallet. They've got legal representation. And a war chest. And lists of vengeance. That's not Cynical. That's crazy. Watch out for those.

I think its important to remember that the Gaels, who had a culture that lasted thousands of years longer than the failed experiment of Democracy, which keeps ending up with 51% criminalizing and enslaving the 49% (ask the Greeks), only had two paths: The Way of the Poet and the Way of the Warrior. Warriors die. Doing what's right. Poets just suffer but they usually live longer.

The gods doth love the Irish.

They maketh them all mad.

For all their wars are merry,

and all their songs are sad.

I believe the above was by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. A fine definition, if ever there was one. George Bernard Shaw has longer plays and novels along similar lines. The English love to pretend they're the culture of the British Isles, but the Scottish and Irish tend to be more educated and more clever. They just have crappier soil and poorer growing conditions. So the English have it easy.

As a proper Cynic, I struggle to crush any optimistic impulses, to avoid temptations by the insane with smiles that reach their eyes, and plead poverty to avoid con men everywhere I go. I don't expect any of my readers to understand what I'm saying here, since most of you went to public schools and were brainwashed to believe in Optimism rather than see it as a madness it really is. Still, I post this here so years from now, when you've long forgotten this, someone will find it and read it and say: "See, he told you so." That's a Poet's revenge.