Hot Hatch

I own a sensible Japanese sedan. Its big, has leather seats. I bought it because my wife and I needed it for her commutes and wanted a family eventually. My sensible sedan has a V6 engine. Its smooth, stable, and boring. The VTEC never engages because, as I can best determine, it was only included as a sales gimmick. The car isn't setup to allow you to rev high enough before shifting gears to ever turn on the second cam, at 4500 RPMs. Never happens. This is really annoying because the car is heavy and slow without that power boost that never happens. The upside is the engine is fuel efficient and is so detuned it just runs and runs. I'm 165K miles on it. Changed the timing belt twice. It's reliable. Just not fun. It's comfy, but not fun. It's slow and stable on the highway, but hard to apex turns with. It has more seats that I need 95% of the time. So really, what I want is something smaller, more fun, with zip, that seats me. That means a hot hatchback, realistically. Or possibly a coupe that's light enough to matter. So many coupes are heavy, all that damned safety equipment. I grew up driving on deadly roads that killed or wrecked someone every weekend. I want my fun back, you Nerfherders.

In the Forza 3 Racing simulator for my Xbox 360, I've been driving various cars, including hot hatches. Those are honestly fun. Probably uncomfortable, but fun. So long as I can fix the rattles and squeaks and put in an MP3 stereo, and A/C for the hot summers, I'm good. I'd want a serious suspension, possibly with adjustable ride height, and possibly upgraded with those iron filings with electromagnets in the shocks because that's wonderful technology I want. This being California, your choices are all the Japanese cars, or dealing with "They All Do That" American low-quality, or German imports like VW and Audi which are very expensive and generally have poor fit and finish compared to the Japanese. In the game, the Fords are surprisingly fun to drive, but having been in a compact Ford, I know they're cheap plastic panels inside, rattle, and are really unstable at speed and not the best engines. Not that good. Any sort or modifications from aftermarket would likely help with handling and stability and probably power and reliability too. Still, is there a better starting point?

Automatic transmission is the thing for traffic exhaustion, especially stop and go commuting. Manual or paddles are for mountain roads. Paddles would be NICE, never having had them, but what cars have paddles yet are still light and grippy enough to do hill climbs properly so they're fun? I wonder if the Golf GTI turbo has paddle shifters? 217 bhp would make it really fun. Why fun instead of a Turbo Diesel? Because I'm tired of waiting for Doom and Gloom. I've been waiting since I saw Red Dawn in the 1980's and its still not here yet. Not like I could survive the apocalypse anyway. Whom am I kidding? May as well enjoy life while I can.

If Iran decides to destroy all it has gained, then I guess a Turbo Diesel is in my future, but it would probably be a Subaru since the roads would be next to fall apart, and ground clearance matters on crappy roads. For a long while I wanted a motorcycle, and a convertible. Convertibles are heavy and impossible to lock up on the street. Too many hoodlums with box knives can cut them open to burglarize or vandalize them. And A/C doesn't work in a convertible. They're about being seen, and having open sky above your head. Fun, I'm sure, but not good enough. The roads I like are twisty, and reward good suspensions and fast acceleration and throttle response. Fast gear changes, hard braking, all that good stuff. I have greatly enjoyed hill climbs. Driving up a hill fast is a rush. I used to do the Auburn Canyon in a sports car that wasn't running quite right, and it was fun, but I really destroyed that car in the process. If it had been working right, and a competent mechanic had restored it properly, possibly myself, including all the EFI, it would have lasted and been a much more fun vehicle for that drive. Unfortunately, that car was heavy, underpowered, and falling apart.

We live in unfortunate times, and finding joy is a matter of lowered expectations rather than fast toys. I can afford digital driving simulators. I can't afford the real thing. What a pity.