NASA Smackdown, and Long Pig Bacon Crisps

This makes me want to find the nearest NASA persona and smack them in the face with a wet newspaper, preferably an equivalent trash rag from the checkout line.

A million REMS of radiation, per hour, come from Jupiter. Inverse square law says you would be crispy sizzling bacon shortly after being able to see the dot of Jupiter with the naked eye. Sizzling, Crispy bacon.

That's you, super astronaut, getting close to Jupiter. It is a MASSIVE radiation source. Like The Sun. At no point is this funny. Why would we risk our Best and Brightest on a mission anywhere near Jupiter when we could send robots immune to the effects of cellular crisping in their own hot oils? If our goal is not to cook human beings into Extra Crispy, we're sending robots. Sorry if that bursts  your bubble, but BACON!!!

Bacon. That's what getting near Jupiter does.